Member-only story
Why don’t Muslim Women Shake Hands?
Greeting customs of Muslims and how to handle the differences.
I once was able to attend a roundtable discussion panel at the University of Iowa on the subject of Student Immigrants. The stories the students who had come to America from other countries told were fascinating and sometimes heartbreaking. I was riveted for every second of it.
After it was over, there were the customary lines of people waiting to meet and greet the panel members. I don’t remember what I exactly wanted to say, but there was one panel member that had come to the US from Bahrain that I was especially keen to talk to.
I waited eagerly in line and then before I knew it, I was standing face to face with him. Wanting to make a good impression and show off my best manners, I stuck out my hand to shake his.
He hesitated, glancing from my hand to the scarf I wore on my head and back to my hand. How could I have forgotten! Muslims, especially from the Middle East, do not shake hands with the opposite sex. I was mortified.
I stammered out an apology and an excuse that as a convert I always forget. He nodded in a way that I knew he understood the problems of cross-cultural exchanges.
I managed to say what I wanted to him and he was very receptive and we had a nice chat. But for me, the entire experience was ruined by that one faux pas.
The Muslims’ refusal to shake hands of the opposite sex is just one of the more obvious of customs that go contrary to the Western way of thinking. It is really just a subset of the idea that there should be no physical touching between members of the opposite sex if they are not married or closely related (AKA not marriage material.)
It is all part of the idea of modesty within the Muslim faith. Men and women are held to standards of physical, spiritual, and intellectual modesty that they must abide by. The wearing of hijab (for men and women) is part of this idea.
